Women And Self Esteem

Let's go global for a moment.

Competition, comparing, coveting and protecting borders is what is creating the turmoil in our world. Point our fingers at others, and singing our national anthems louder than everyone else creates separateness and protectionism.

Now lets take it to a personal level.

Woman energy is about cooperation and support. Isn't that what we try to teach our children? To share and be kind? Do we want our kids to think they are better than others? Why do we give ourselves permission to do it?

It is not kind or sharing to knock holes in someone else.

You know at a meaningful level that competition and comparison when done to feel superior does not support personal growth and inner peace.

Inner peace comes with knowing that you are connected to the whole. You are not better or worse than anyone else. Your sense of self-esteem and worth come from your connection to your life purpose. You don't have to feel superior to feel serene.

Here are 3 reasons to let go of critical and competitive behaviors.

1. Having a Critical Heart is bad for your development.

Go inside and check in with the way it feels to point out another person's shortcoming. If you are the type of woman who is actually reading this article in the first place, you know that it is not good for you. It is not who you really are. It is small and petty and beneath your dignity. Stop doing it!

Those who actually enjoy the feeling of being critical of others, are not reading this. They are living the big fat lie, and playing the small and shallow version of the Game called Life. They don't see the big picture and that's ok for them. This is about you.

You will never enjoy true inner happiness with a critical heart. Rather than compare and point out the holes in someone else's socks, try looking for reasons to compliment.

2. When you are only trying to be better than someone else, you are totally missing the mark on your true potential.

Why settle for being just better than another human, when you can reach the stars?

You may think that being better than someone else somehow elevates you, but that is a tremendous lie. That kind of thinking will keep you small and living in a shallow world.
Your personal power comes from living a life of integrity and being the best version of yourself you can.

Take your focus off of other people and put it on you. The Law of Attraction will pick up on your positive vibration and give you more positive to enjoy.

3. The need to compare and compete is caused by an underlying self-esteem problem.


If you felt great about who you are and grateful for the incredible abundance you enjoy, you would have no need to make some one else be small.

You should be trying to be the best you can be... set your goal higher than simply being better than another human being.

If you are aware of a tendency to compare, judge, criticize and compete it is a sign that you need to work on your issues around self-worth and esteem.

Put away your measuring stick and pick up your vision for your best self instead. Take being critical and competitive off of your personal resume. It really looks bad. You are better than that! Reach for the stars!
Namaste.
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07 Secrets Of A Confident Woman

by Scott Smallwood

The yearnings of a woman’s heart and the way her life is are often miles apart. The confident and secure woman knows what she wants and goes after it with unflappable action, undeterred by obstacles that come up along the way.


1. A confident & secure woman REPOSITIONS HERSELF

A confident woman never forgets the one thing that never changes –THINGS CONSTANTLY CHANGE.

With the winds of change ever blowing, a secure woman realizes that she may not currently possess all the tools that will take her to her goal, but she’s always ready to learn what she needs to know in order to get there. This may mean going back to school, changing job or vocations or even moving to a different location, but she is ready, willing and able to adapt to changing circumstances.

2. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE

A confident woman understands that the gift is in the giving. She knows the laws that tell her what she gives will return to her several times over. She will give her time, energy and even her heart to those who need her. However, she also knows that she is not a super human and she does not over-extend herself. She regularly takes time for herself! She also recognizes that she has limits and, at times, finds herself in a position of needing assistance and is not afraid to ask for what she needs.

3. A confident & secure woman LIVES IN THE PRESENT

Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future is the bread of idleness that a confident woman refuses to eat. When recalling the past, she does not allow herself to dwell there but, rather, refocuses on the here and now. She understands that her past experiences, whether joyful or painful, are a part of her and have made her the confident person that she is today. She learns from the past and uses that information for current decision making. She has hopes for the future and engages in the occasional daydream while keeping herself solidly in the present tense of her life.

4. A confident & secure woman KEEPS HERE EYE ON THE PRIZE

Not everything we do comes up roses. To expect perfection is cavalier, but to know that mistakes are a part of the journey is wisdom. This knowledge allows the confident woman to refuse to pity herself when something doesn’t turn out as she’d hoped or expected it would.

5. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO SAY NO

Women have too little time and too much responsibility. The demands of jobs, child care, household duties, etc. are often draining. Having time to herself seems to be a far-fetched dream for many women.

The confident woman knows her limits and her need for self care. She understands that in order to be able to accomplish all that she wants/needs to do, she MUST have adequate energy reserves from which to draw. While sympathetic and even flattered when her phone rings off the hook with others making requests of her, she is able to pick and choose those people or causes to which/whom she will devote her time and energy. She knows when she needs to politely decline so that she will have time to recharge herself or to ward off becoming overwhelmed. She also does not feel a need to offer apologies or excuses for needing to do so.

6. A confident & secure woman TRUSTS HER INNER VOICE

While she may occasionally feel uncertain or seek the counsel of others, the confident woman knows deep down that her own heart will give her the direction she needs. While this intuition may be said to be a characteristic of all women, it is one that becomes refined only with age, wisdom and experience. The secure woman will carefully consider all the information at her disposal, seek advice from those she respects and then turn to that little voice inside of herself and become her own best counsel.

7. A confident & secure woman DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

If we allow ourselves to think too much about something or consider every little thing that could possibly come up or go awry, we can soon make mountains out of molehills. The secure woman is able to separate the chaff from the grain and focus only on those things of primary concern to her in any situation. She does not micro manage herself or her affairs. Rather, she focuses on the broader picture along with the key ingredients that are needed to solve her problem or reach her goal. She possesses inner strength and the wisdom to be able to create, change and adapt as necessary.
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The Principle of Success

What is success?

I am not going to try to define success. I think a precise definition is impossible. Is it winning a Gold Medal at the Olympic Games or winning Wimbledon, or being awarded a Nobel prize? What else? I believe personal success could be anything at all - it does not have to involve public recognition. Who is more successful? A millionaire who is unhappy, or an unnoticed person who has led a simple, happy life? The simplest definition of success I think is 'to set out to do something and to succeed in doing it'. It really doesn't matter what, or how humble the undertaking is...


Believe you can succeed and you will. Achieving success in whatever endeavor you choose may be the goal of life. Because it gives you freedom from worry. Could that be?

Success means different things to every one of us. Some people believe it is measured in financial terms, ie.. having wealth; others believe it is helping others rather than helping themselves. A bit of both perhaps! Or it could be simply achieving for achievement's sake. Success is such a personal thing. To many people it is the very root of their being - the reason for existing is to achieve something worthwhile in our lives. To the vast majority of the population it doesn't matter much whether they want to be successful or not; that's OK by me, as long as that is what you really want and you are happy with life. However, most people want and are motivated to a great extent by public recognition and a relentless pursuit of achievement. How many people too are really happy? How many people are really doing what they want to with their lives? ( Incidentally, the ability to imagine, makes us different from animals).

No matter what motivates you personally...whatever you choose to do with your life, don't expect instant success. The years of struggle, commitment and learning in excelling at whatever endeavor or trade you choose, is no easy task. I would wholeheartedly agree with that statement. It takes a lot of courage, character and discipline to achieve success in any field. Nearly all successful people have doubted themselves at some point and wanted to give up. Yet they carried on. So many people give up within an inch or two away from the gold in the seam down the mine - a “whisker” away from success. One thing is for sure: success breeds SUCCESS, as it gathers a momentum of its own and you get on a “winning streak”, when everything seems to fit into place..

I like all of the following quotations. They all stand for what success means to me personally. So I'll share them with you...

"Success is the continuous journey towards the achievement of predetermined worthwhile goals."
- Tom Hopkins, American Motivator

"To live your life in your own way To reach the goals you've set for yourself To be the person you want to be - that is success."
- author anon.

and another one on a similar theme...

"There is one only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way"
- Christopher Morley

Most of all, I believe success is a matter of personal growth. If every day you are developing or growing just a millimeter (or acquiring a "teeny weenie" bit of knowledge for improving yourself that you didn't have before), I believe one is successful. So dwarfs can be very successful people too.

Just being a slightly better person each day for me is success. I've got a very long way to go then!


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The Power of Thought

by Inna Nirenburg

A Personal Question

What are you thinking - right now? "I'm reading your article!" you say. Well, take a little bit of a closer look. What's spinning in the back of your mind? Is it that big deadline that's looming at the end of the week? Or how you're going to deal with your mother-in-law this weekend? Or maybe you're worrying about your finances?

Are you even aware of the thoughts going through your head right now? What about... now?



Some Bad News From the Thought Police Scientists estimate that an average person will think at a rate of roughly between 1 and 4 thoughts per second while awake. That's well over 60,000 thoughts during a typical day! And, of all this jabbering going on in your head, it's estimated that you've thought over 95% of your thoughts before. So, not only is your mind generally on a constant hamster wheel, but it's also doing this spinning continuously, unproductively - and unoriginally.

The Power Between Your Ears - It's Not What You Think

Enough bad news? Ok - now here's the other side of the story. You have within you the greatest, simplest, and most powerful tool imaginable. It can lead you to great prosperity, joy, and fulfillment - or it can drop you instantly into the depths of despair and negativity.

No, I'm not talking simply about the power of thought - not even a fraction of those thousands of stale, repeat thoughts running through your head right now will be of much use to you. (Trust me; nope, not even the one wondering for the tenth time whether you turned the stove off this morning). But what is powerful is where you put your attention within all this clatter.

Mr. Webster Says:

"Attention: Concentration of the mental powers; a close or careful observing or listening". So how does that apply to you? "Concentration of the mental powers" - all too often, we give away the concentration part of our attention to things utterly undeserving. Thoughts of worry, negative predictions, minor irritations, and daily minutiae are hardly productive, and take up too much room in your head.

And this leaves very little space for the second, critical, aspect of attention: "a close or careful observing or listening". We, as a culture, don't like to sit back and listen. We prefer to be constantly inundated with forceful messages which grab our attention and don't let go. We too often forget to sit back and actually listen to the small voice of intuition. You know, the one that already has the answers that we're trying so hard to figure out.

Try It Now

Give it a shot. Really. Stop for a minute, and focus actively on your thoughts - concentrate. What are you thinking? You know, that quiet and incessant little buzz behind your eyes; that unsettled feeling - what's behind that? Now shift your attention to listening, see if there's a message waiting for you. Just below the surface, what is it saying? Listen... You're now learning to distinguish the noise of your mind from the voice of your intuition, your inner knowing - all through the tool of attention.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

There's huge power in putting your attention actively on your thoughts. This helps you to separate the you from the thought. You are not your thoughts, you are having thoughts, they are passing through your head. You are bigger than your thoughts, and you can choose whether or not you want to give them power. And you do this by either giving them your attention, or by allowing them to just float on by.

Head and Heart

And it's not just thoughts that you can focus your attention on. As cognitive psychologists and holistic healers have known for years, emotions and thoughts are deeply intertwined. One influences the other, and both influence your physical biochemistry. So learning to actively focus your attention on the thoughts and feelings you want, while letting go of those you don't want, could be the best thing you'll ever do for your health, your well being, and your happiness.

Oy Vey

"Great", you may say. "But it isn't so easy to catch my thoughts and feelings, or to do something about them. I don't even know how I feel half of the time, and the thoughts go by so quickly!" Fear not - here's are a few simple exercises.

Use Your Words

One way to "catch" your fleeting thoughts and feelings and to focus your attention on them is to "use your words". Just like a parent may tell an unruly and whining child who is about to pick a fight to "use your words" to explain what's bothering him, so can you gently nudge yourself to discipline. This may seem silly, but it's remarkably powerful. Write down or speak out loud (or into a tape recorder) exactly what the thoughts and feelings are. Articulating them clearly gives them shape and focus, and allows you much more freedom to act in a way that supports your growth.

Thanks For Sharing

Now, as for how to manage the spinning and repeating thoughts, here's a very simple and effective trick. Just like a parent knows not to take everything their child says too seriously, you can also learn to distinguish helpful thoughts and feelings from destructive ones. You can simply tell your thinker - "thanks for sharing. I will take your comments under advisement. Now, please move along".

So What?

So how does all this relate to helping you find "what's next", or guiding you to "a you-er you"? Very directly, actually. If you practice putting your direct attention on the jabbering of your mind, articulating those slippery thoughts, and consciously and purposefully telling them "thanks for sharing!" and then purposefully re-focusing your attention where YOU choose, you will begin to create the space for your true inner voice to come through.

Plant the Seeds:

Now it's your turn. Take a couple of minutes and try these exercises. Really. Try it now. You never know - hey, what's next...?

1. Practice noticing your thoughts. Try the exercise in the "Try it Now" section above. Really.

2. Use your words. Get over feeling silly, and actually write down what your thoughts are. Try speaking, try using a tape recorder. Experiment. Notice which thoughts show up over and over. Note your top 5 - make friends with them, and thank them profusely for sharing. And remember - attention is power. What thoughts are you giving your power to?

3. Choose consciously. Once you become aware of the thoughts going through your head, you can begin to make choices. For example: "Hm, I've been thinking a lot about how unhappy I am in my job. Thanks for sharing. Duly noted. I think I'll choose to focus my attention elsewhere right now, thanks."

P.S. So - what are you thinking... now?

4. Try it out: set aside 5 (just five!) minutes every day to just BE. No distractions, no thoughts, no worries, no to-do lists. After a week or two, see what you got from this experience.
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Learning From Failure

By Lou Stoops

Growing into success is not an easy thing to experience. You will really get knocked around a bit as you determine to win in your chosen career. The biggest drawback you have to deal with is the fear of failure. It can lead to many disastrous outcomes.

The first thing fear of failure does is breed an overcautious approach to opportunity.


Knowing when and how to utilize opportunity is fundamental to career success. Having knowledge about the opportunity, you then need to determine timing. Pros and cons listed, you make your decision. If you have a fear of failure, you might be stalled in your decision even though the opportunity passes scrutiny.

Secondly, fear of failure can keep you from speaking up and making the kind of impact that could enhance your career.

A well-spoken word that solves a problem or sparks creativity could be just the thing to get you noticed as a valuable part of the team, but if you're sitting there stewing over the kind of response you'll get, then more times than not, you'll remain silent and miss your moment to shine.

Thirdly, fear of failure causes you to miss the point of personal and professional growth.

Failing is one of the best tutors in career development. Consider the story of a new bank president who went to meet his predecessor. Upon being introduced he quickly said, "I would like to know what have been the keys to your success." The older man looked at him for a moment and replied, "Young man, I can sum it up in two words: Good decisions." To that the young man replied, "I thank you immensely for that advice, sir, but how does one come to know which are the good decisions?" "One word, young man," replied the old man. "Experience." "That's all good and well," said the young executive, "but how does one get experience?" "Two words," replied the old man, "Bad decisions."
If you really want to succeed, be prepared to grow into it. Lose your fear of failure and risk doing something that's important to you. You'll be glad you did.

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How To Overcome Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem is prevalent in our society these days and it strikes me that so much of it is driven by a misplaced focus on what other people think.

Do you ever find yourself concerned about what others might be thinking about you? Are you concerned about their opinion of you? If so, why? What is it that has you so concerned?


And finally, is your concern about their opinion somehow rooted in the lack of a positive opinion you may hold of yourself?

I had the opportunity to hear Bill Bartmann (the billionaire) speak recently. And he spoke about something I've rarely heard covered by the inspirational speaker/personal development guru crowd.

He spoke about failure.

Bill talked about the fact that everyone and their dog will espouse success principles to anyone who will listen. Regardless of how much success they may have achieved. And yet we know that everyone -- everyone -- has had to contend with failure in their lives. It's just part of living.

We fall down the first time we try to ride a bicycle. We get cut from the team. We get rejected in a relationship. There are countless examples throughout our lives of failures. Some of them are little failures and some are larger failures.

Bill made this one very astute observation.

Successful people are people who have failed and then learned to deal with it. Specifically, they understand that success and failure are opposite sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.

He went on to say that successful people have learned to accept their "failures" within the context of life and detach themselves from the labels and stigmas people as a society have attached to them. In particular, successful people detach from the opinion of others when it comes to their own self-worth.

The only opinion of themselves that matters to them is their own.

This is a very powerful observation. Because it is a key factor that distinguishes successful people from unsuccessful people. And it ties in beautifully with the importance of cultivating a positive self image ... a positive opinion of yourself.

If you fall into the trap of focusing on what you perceive to be your failures and the labels that are associated with them, you will be predisposed to caring deeply about others' opinions of you. Because you carry low self worth, you will seek validation through the opinions of others. And of course, the opinion of others is always ill informed.

They don't really know you. They don't understand what thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. So they are in no position to offer an opinion -- but of course that won't stop most people from sharing one with you.

Then, because you become so concerned about how others will perceive you and what they might say, you find yourself making decisions within the context of what you think they might think. Which of course means it's all made up anyway! You let the imagined opinions of others dictate the decisions you make in your life.

So stop right there ... and get this clearly. The only opinion of you that matters is your own.
Ever. Learn to operate from a position of confidence in your own abilities and intuition. You are the only person who truly knows you.

So what is the opinion you have of yourself? Make your decisions based on your own opinion. And this is easy to do if you have taken care to choose good thoughts about yourself.

Remember where you are going. Remember your goals. Remember you are the leader of you, just like every other successful person on the planet. Because in doing so, you will have a positive opinion about yourself and your ability to make good decisions.

In turn, this will make it so much easier for you to begin to trust yourself and make decisions that move you closer to where you are going. (Do you notice a recurring theme here?) This is a foundational principle of success, so become very clear about it. Pretty soon your low self esteem will become a distant memory because you've discovered the truth ... the only opinion of you that matters is your own.

Start adopting daily practices that support you self image and raise your self esteem.


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How To Love Yourself

by Sarah Elizabeth Malinak

Something that keeps people from embracing the idea of self-love is religion. Because religion deals a lot with selflessness, caring for others, being kind and good to others, it can feel like a sin to focus any attention on yourself; including the kindness and compassion religion asks you to extend to others.



So, when Fred Rogers of the “Mister Rogers” PBS television program, who was also an ordained Presbyterian minister, has something positive to say about self-love, I sit up and listen! Maybe you will too, for he had this to say, “You can’t really love someone else unless you really love yourself first.”

The reason that statement is true is because when we love ourselves, we have a reserve of love inside that allows us to give love to others with greater freedom, even abandon. When we do not love ourselves, our inner resources are shallow, even dry, so that extending our love to others makes us feel drained, resentful, even angry.

One of the gifts of religion is that it can make us feel seen and loved by God. In those moments of accepting God’s love for us, our inner reserves of love are filled. Experiencing God’s love, we love ourselves. Over time, though, because we are not taught that it is all right to love ourselves, extending ourselves to love others more than we love ourselves drains us.

Your ability to love others lies in direct proportion to your ability to love yourself. Because the world needs so much love today, learn these five steps to loving you to strengthen and enrich your inner reserves today!

First, practice giving yourself a break from your inner critic. Most of us have inner critics that are harsher and meaner than any critic that exists out there in the real world! Chances are you do not need to beat yourself up as badly as you routinely do. Make a commitment to stop the criticism you level on yourself. Catch yourself about to do it or in the middle of it and instead say, “I love you. I love you, anyway!” Feel the relief, the appreciation for taking a break from your inner critic and allow your love to flow more freely to you.

Second, smile and say, “I love you,” whenever you see your reflection! Do it as if you are happy to see you! Perhaps you did not have a parent or authority figure in your childhood who expressed genuine joy at your presence. Give that to yourself now anyway! Every single time you see your own reflection, smile, look you in the eyes, and say, “I love you.” If you are in a public place, learn how to do it silently. The little grin and raised eyebrow as you talk privately to yourself in public will make people wonder what you have been up to!

Third, quit tolerating meanness directed at you from others. Either do not dignify their taunts with a response or directly tell them to stop. When you hold yourself as someone worthy of being treated with kindness, compassion, and fairness, you will begin to communicate this expectation of others both with and without words.

Fourth, say no to something at least once a week. It may be that someone routinely makes inconvenient requests of you. Say no next time. It will take courage, especially if you have been in the habit of being his or her doormat. However, it will be worth it to stretch yourself, dig down deep for that courage, and say no. You will probably be surprised at how easily they accept it. Perhaps you have an indulgence in something harmful to you or someone you love that you need to say no to. Get busy saying no. If you need to, ask for support. Create an I-can-say-no buddy, someone you can call up and have them support your following through with saying no.

Finally, quit expecting your parents to give you what you did not get growing up. If they did not have the attention or love or patience or whatever to give to you when you were a child and they were young adults, the chances of you getting it now are slim to none. Hanging on to that story of how they did you wrong or how they didn’t do enough or how they abused or neglected you will never, ever correct it. Let it go and do the next best thing: you love you!

You cannot make your parents show you their love the way you have always wanted. Your spouse and children cannot take their place and give you what they could not. The closest to it you can come is by giving it to yourself. Practicing these five tips will set you on a journey of self-love that will build your confidence and open your heart.

You are worth it! It is past time you focused love and nurturing on you. Blessings to you as you get started.

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How To Build Self-Esteem?

by Dr. Gudrun Frerichs

Self-esteem is a product of recognition through solidarity. Let me explain what that means. Within a community of peers people experience the expression of appreciation, acknowledge, valuing, and support as a sign of solidarity. When we are recognised in the above ways by people who share our values, concerns, and/or interests it means they ‘esteem’ us.

By being recognised in these ways people are able to develop self-esteem. You can see through the discussion of building self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem in the other posts that we always rely for building these positive self-relations – und therefore our identity - to a significant extent on others. Thus a relationship of solidarity is one in which people mutually esteem each other, in which people mutually sympathise with their various different ways of life, and in which group members can earn self-esteem.

Honneth (p. 121) is convinced that people always need – over and above the experience of affectionate care and legal recognition – a form of social esteem that allows them to relate positively to their concrete traits and abilities.

Classical examples of groups set up for members’ need for solidarity are for example unions, where a large group of people (employees) has come together in the spirit of solidarity to represent the interests of the group as a whole and its individual members. Women’s Refuge or Rape Crisis Centres are examples of movements in which not only the interests of women are represented publicly and politically, but that also provide services such as safe housing, information, and practical support.

When people are unable to acquire self-esteem through solidarity, when their traits and abilities are demoted as inferior, they will lose personal self-esteem. The lack of social approval and group solidarity postulates the devaluation of one’s patterns of self-realization. Individuals “…can not relate to their mode of life as something of positive significance within their community” (Honneth, 1995b, p. 134), which may result in them feeling denigrated and insulted. Of course, this lead to social exclusion and we see many examples of such exclusion in the mental health field, where stigmatisation and discrimination are ‘normal’ experiences.

The mental health patient who is not sick enough to warrant hospitalisation or institutionalisation often subsists at the fringe of society in isolation. If he/she is lucky they receive the occasional visit of a mental health professional or social worker to check on medication. Besides that, they have usually no access to a caring, supportive person that is consistent and willing to establish a close bond built on care and support so that they can develop self-confidence; they are not assertive enough to stand up for their rights and fight for their entitlements so that they can build self-respect, and they usually haven’t got the skills to engage in complex social relationships where they could earn self-esteem.

Without massive amounts of help people who either through illness, abuse, trauma, or poverty find themselves at the periphery of society have little chance to work themselves out of that dilemma and develop the positive self-relations needed for an autonomous and independent life.

So how do you build self-esteem?
Building self-esteem is always linked to be involved in a group or a movement that is organised around a common interest or passion. Such a group can be a sports team, a choir, a volunteer group, a self-improvement group, a political group, or a learning group. It can be a group of colleagues, neighbours, or a post-natal support group. If you want to build-up your self-esteem, joining a group is the only way to get there.

Dear reader, this reading is not enough – you may select to go back and explore more motivation / confidence building articles or you can explore inspirational presentations by visiting http://yes-inspirations.blogspot.com/

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Be The Queen Of Self Esteem

by Scott Smallwood

Many women have a “missing piece” which is deeply tied to feelings of not being good enough – not being able to measure up to the expectation of others or self, not being pretty enough, not being a good enough spouse or mother, etc. Feelings such as these lead a woman to see herself in a false light. A woman’s self-esteem then falls by the wayside.

Let’s look at a woman’s heart. As a woman, your heart is at the center of who you are. It is the source of all of your creativity and conviction -- the very essence of your being. Your heart is what makes you the crowning jewel of creation! You are hard-wired to have certain desires in your heart which have been set there since birth. As an example, one of these desires might be to be seen as captivating or alluring. Another might be to play a vital role in the life of another.

Few women seem to actually realize such desires. Many deal with the disappointments that result by either hiding out or indulging. It’s often easier to do this than to face the pain felt deep inside. But your questions remain: Am I wanted? Am I captivating to anyone? Am I worthwhile?

I believe that we are all meant to experience lives of joy and fulfillment. However, the desires of a woman’s heart and the way her life actually is are usually miles apart.

The truth is that every woman is someone whom the world desperately needs! Take a look at the creation story. First came the skies, waters, trees, animals, man, and, finally, woman…the crowning jewel. Talk about significance!

Every woman has beauty to unveil.Your beauty doesn’t come from a hair dresser or a plastic surgeon.It was given to you when you were created.

Chances are that you’ve lost sight of your beauty, your gifts, your desires or your purpose. You give so much of yourself to the caring of others that you forget to - or don’t feel that you have the “right” to - care for yourself. You may think that the amount of time you give in caring for others is noble. On one hand, it is. Let me tell you, though, that on the other hand it is not.
In neglecting self care and the occasional indulgence, you are actually short-changing those to whom you devote yourself. You are not able to give them your best because you are not AT your best. Both for their sakes and for yours, you must learn to avoid believing the story in your head that causes you to feel guilty about taking time for YOURSELF.

What Can You Do?

1. Accept responsibility.
Another person is not responsible for your happiness nor can they make you feel less than the woman who you are – the woman that the world desperately needs.

2. Distance yourself from those who are neither loving nor supportive.
Certainly, work to heal and strengthen all your relationships, but avoid those who drag you down. We are here to build each other up, not to tear each other down. Practice loving others AND loving yourself! Know that YOU are loved. Let it sweep over you and fill you up. Be grateful for it. Practicing gratitude is very important.

3. Realize that nothing is constant.
This goes for life and relationships as well as personal development. If you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. You are either living or dying.

4 Take time to recall past accomplishments -
things that made you feel good about yourself, what you did or how you did something. If you did it before, you can do it
again!

5. Find a mentor and model the things you see in them that appeal to you.

6. Change the way you think and the things you believe - the stories that incessantly play themselves over and over in your head. This mental noise is only “make believe.” The stories are not true!

Bolstering your self esteem and coming to believe (to know!) that you are the crowning jewel of creation does not happen by magic – it takes work. I promise you, though, that when you get “there,” it will feel like magic. It all starts with making a decision to change your internal programming and your results. The choice is YOURS. And YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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Five Self-Growth Questions

by William Cottringer

Personal growth can be greatly stimulated when you ask yourself five critical questions and then struggle to get the right answers. This process requires you to use critical thinking, creativity, open-mindedness and above all else, brutal honesty. Here are the five questions:

What can I really control?

It seems to me that the process of growing up involves the gradual realization of how we have wasted so much time trying to control uncontrollable or irrelevant things. Once we start becoming more aware of the illusion of control, we begin to see the few things we can in fact control. Then we go about learning how to best influence the most important things on this short list in more positive, productive ways.

At the top of this control list is the need for more self-management. Especially critical, is the area of controlling our own interpretations of things that happen to us and our reactions to those interpretations. Our interpretations are often wrong and reactions ineffective. The smart reversal of focusing back inwards toward ourselves to better manage these interpretations and reactions is the first real step in personal growth. Unfortunately this important shift usually isn't a smooth one or one you can hurry along, but it does start with the question.

How do I sabotage my own success?

The fear of success is insidious. Probably most of this type of fear is based on some major assumptions of what might happen when you become successful. What will you have to do to achieve it? What will you have to give up? What will it be like? What will you have to do to maintain it? What will happen to you if you lose it? Your mind can go fairly wild with anticipation, before you even become successful at what you are trying to do. In this sense you are preventing your own littler successes from happening, which could have led to bigger ones.

Facing your darker side is not pleasant or easy, but you will never get anywhere until you take ultimate responsibility for where you are or where you aren't. You can't begin to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be until you see who created that gap- yourself. Once you take ownership for all your own best self-sabotaging behaviors you are ready to try and answer the next question.

Why Don't I apply all the good things I learn and know?

Some day I would like to download my brain to retrieve all the fabulous learning that has passed through it. For nearly forty years I have been taught, guided and motivated by the best of the best from the cliffs of Big Sur to the red rocks of the Australian outback. But why did so much of that good stuff not take? Why do we learn so many good things and then not apply them? If I had applied one tenth of the things I knew were right and good, I would have blissfully dissolved in Nirvana by now.

I suppose we all have to come to grips with the question of why we keep pushing the dessert away. My own answers seems to have most to do with my insatiable need to avoid boredom and stir up new excitement. I always need a new challenge and being able to do something well is anti-climatic. In the end, though this is a question you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask and keep asking until you get your answer. Some say it is later than you think, so what are you waiting for?

For whom (or what) am I doing all this?

It usually takes a very long time to understand why you need to give yourself permission to do something just for yourself and for its own intrinsic worth, without any regard for other people or reasons. It takes even longer to start doing that. Long ago I learned that you couldn't make another person happy, only unhappy. But that still didn't keep me from making a mad effort to achieve things with the main intention of trying to either please or impress someone else. This was my attempt to "prove" my worth. The sense of satisfaction and accomplishment never seems to come to you when you are really doing something for someone else or for some ulterior motive.

A major growth surge occurs when you shift focus from the outside to your inside. When you stop doing things for the wrong reasons and cease competing against others and start doing them for yourself, competing against yourself, you finally start getting a genuine sense of satisfaction. And you also start winning more. The early injunction we all get against selfishness is what keeps you from making this shift. You have to shed your guilt first.

What is the best I am capable of?

Many of us dream of greatness but only a few take the first step to develop a detailed plan to get there. Even less endure the difficult voyage that is usually involved. Part of the reason for this status quo is the catch-22 position that we perceive. On the one hand we are teased into believing we can do anything we put our mind to. On the other hand there are subtle warnings everywhere that tell us not to set our goals too high so we won't doom ourselves to unnecessary disappointment and failure. So to be safe we often settle for far worse than second best. Of course the rest of the reason is we can only accomplish real greatness when we cease trying to do it all for the wrong personal reasons.

The truth is you are capable of doing anything you think you are capable of doing. But that doesn't mean it will just happen by magic. If you are not willing to be flexible with your goals and how you can achieve them, to make difficult choices, exchanges and sacrifices, take risky chances and persevere long enough to make your dreams come true, then they won't. This is competition against your own self at its best. The icing on the cake is when you start accomplishing things for no reason other than it is the natural thing to do.

Having the courage to ask these five critical questions and then making the effort to find answers will open a large door ahead to your personal growth. Real growth then occurs when you become free to de-personalize it.
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Building A Positive Identity

by Dr. Gudrun Frerichs

People derive a sense of self and identity through interactions with others who give recognition and approval to a person's abilities and accomplishments. How does that work? As children grow up, they are dependant on 'significant others' for forming of a positive sense of self.

Children need the experiences of a 'human hothouse'. When they are cared for, supported, encouraged, respected, appreciated, and appropriately challenged, children develop the ability to identify, interpret, and realise their needs and desires. This will allow them to become autonomous and self-actualised grown-ups who have self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem.

The 'human hothouse' is a metaphor for conditions of protection, ideal (emotional) temperature that is not too hot and not too cold, of shelter from rough storms of life, and of nutritional circumstances that take the changing needs of the child into consideration.

Through experience of this sort the child comes to understand him/herself as being worthy of love, care, protection, consideration, appreciation, and respect. It is able to form a positive sense of Identity and can say "I am OK".

What happens when the 'hothouse' conditions are not given? We'll see struggle in the child, the adolescent and later on in the adult. What will the struggle look like? Difficulty relating, difficulty being independent, difficulty grasping a strong sense of self!

Human integrity is closely linked with patterns of approval and recognition because once wrongly treated by others, people feel insulted or humiliated. Such injustice not only harms or restricts individual freedom but also causes feelings of shame, rage, hurt, or indignation. As a result people are harmed in their positive sense of self and their self development which is only possible through positive interactions with others.

Under most severe circumstances such as rape, torture, assault, discrimination, or marginalisation a person's identity could even be brought to the point of collapse. You'll end up with people with severe psychiatric disturbances, acute suicidal people, or people who get stuck in the social sidelines through gambling, drug abuse, or criminal activities.

What has been found, thought, is that even when childhood circumstances did not support the development of a positive sense of identity, people can 'fill up' on the good stuff later on. That can take place in loving relationships, in self-improvement courses, or through therapy. As they say: Its never too late to have a happy childhood.

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Boost Your Confidence Further!

Modern techniques of hypnosis are nothing like the stereotyped dangling watch, with commands like "when I click my fingers you will forget..." That old approach is neither helpful nor effective. However now the techniques are not at all manipulative and they are extremely effective. YOU are the one who is in control!


Modern methods are about helping you to change your mind set, through giving you powerful information in a relaxed and open state of mind, so that you can get past the self-erected barriers in your thinking, overcome your fears, and adopt effective new strategies to transform your life.

I used to be frighteningly lacking in confidence in social situations. And although people who know me now would never believe it, I used to doubt myself so much that I literally had to learn confidence until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you: relaxed optimistic confidence is just, well, so much more fun! Here I'll tell you about the things that made the most difference to my confidence levels...

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident. Firstly, it's important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won't know when you've got it! So, self confidence means:

Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional 'leakage' into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be 'cool' in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That's how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I've long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I've turned out to be wrong.

Being specific - where do you want confidence? 'Confidence' is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don't need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you've tried to recall someone's name but can't, hours later you'll often find their name pops into your head.

The 'trying to recall' experience set the task or blueprint for your brain's future subconscious behavior which eventually produced the name for you - when you weren't thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

Don't task your mind with negatives. Instead of: 'I don't want to screw up' (which sets the task of 'screwing up' for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn't work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

Use nature's goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly 'program' the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

1. Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember 'confidence' doesn't mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

2. Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as 'calm', 'relaxed' or 'focused'. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

3. Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or 'task' for your unconscious mind.

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7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.

When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.

The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city…?' Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.

Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed.

This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'

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07 Tips to Increase Confidence

by Kent Sayre

1.) Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Too often, we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely. Remember the word “Confidence”.


2.) In doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it in the past. Close your eyes, then vividly imagine you succeeding wildly at what you are really going to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses. Remember the word “Confidence”.

3.) Find someone who is already confident in that area and copy them. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some. Remember the word “Confidence”.

4.) Use the “as-if” frame. I literally love this frame of mind. If you were confident, how would you be acting? How would you be moving? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself inside? By asking yourself these questions, you are literally forced to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “as-if” you are confident. Now just forget you are acting long enough and pretty soon you’ll develop it into a habit. Remember the word “Confidence”.

5.) Go into the future and ask if what you’re faced with is such a big deal. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You’re reviewing your life. Is what you’re faced with now even going to pop up? That’s highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear. Remember the word “Confidence”.

6.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. To get what you want, ask for it. I fully believe that if I ask enough people for whatever I want, I can get it. This is not necessarily true and yet it’s a useful belief. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that all the people out there want to help you if you only ask? Whether that is true or not in the “real world” does not matter. If you find that belief empowering, I invite you to adopt it as your own. Remember the word “Confidence”.

7.) Disarm the nagging, negative internal voice. That negative internal voice can keep anyone stopped. To disarm the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or how about changing the internal voice to Mickey Mouse? Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse seriously if he were criticizing you? Change the voice to a clown voice. The point is to disarm the voice by altering the way it nags at you. If I hear my own voice nagging me, it stops me. If I hear a clown voice, I laugh and continue onward. Remember the word “Confidence”.
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10 Ways to Start Taking Control

by Nicholas Tan

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don't follow it.

6. Squash the "ANTs"
In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about "ANTs" - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like "Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me," or "The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!" When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin', Touchin' & Squeezin' (Your Friends and Family)
You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn't touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It's never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind makes up the entire thing to true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they're uncommon ones and we are human and imperfect. To get these little things like stress under our skins won't solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to admit that we're turning to be workaholics than tell ourselves that we're not doing our best.
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10 Terrific Self Motivating Tips

By Mike Moore

No one can motivate anyone to do anything. All a person can do for another is provide them with incentives to motivate themselves. Here are ten very effective strategies to help you get up and get moving toward actualizing your enormous, untapped potential.

01- Be willing to leave your comfort zone. The greatest barrier to achieving your potential is your comfort zone. Great things happen when you make friends with your discomfort zone.

02 - Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Wisdom helps us avoid making mistakes and comes from making a million of them.

03 - Don't indulge in self-limiting thinking. Think empowering, expansive thoughts.

04 - Choose to be happy. Happy people are easily motivated. Happiness is your birthright so don't settle for anything else.

05 - Spend at least one hour a day in self-development. Read good books or listen to inspiring tapes. Driving to and from work provides an excellent opportunity to listen to self-improvement tapes.

06 - Train yourself to finish what you start. So many of us become scattered as we try to accomplish a task. Finish one task before you begin another.

07 - Live fully in the present moment. When you live in the past or the future you aren't able to make things happen in the present.

08 - Commit yourself to joy. C.S. Lewis once said, "Joy is the serious business of heaven."

09 - Never quit when you experience a setback or frustration. Success could be just around the corner.

10 - Dare to dream big dreams. If there is anything to the law of expectation then we are moving in the direction of our dreams, goals and expectations.

The real tragedy in life is not in how much we suffer, but rather in how much we miss, so don't miss a thing.
Charles Dubois once said, "We must be prepared, at any moment, to sacrifice who we are for who we are capable of becoming."

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Build Confidence With Enthusiasm

Confidence building is the missing link for greater personal success and happiness. Without understanding the
importance of confidence building your self-confidence will suffer.

You have the power to enthusiastically undertake a program of personal confidence building. Does this statement
surprise you?

It shouldn't, because you were born with the power to observe, make reasonable assumptions and decisions.

The most successful people in our world know more than you realize about confidence building! These achievers work on confidence building to gain confidence and to achieve on a grand scale.

How you develop your power depends upon your personality as well as the environment you grew up in. As youngsters (and adults as well) you may have been told that you are stupid, dumb, no good, etc.

Don't you believe it! All you need is the right confidence building help.

If you are one of these unfortunate ones who grew up under such circumstances, or if you have not developed a high
confidence level, now's the time to learn confidence building techniques that can change your life.

You can go from failure to success in every aspect of your life when you develop confidence building skills that may
make you seem like a different person who is focused, balanced, energetic, enthusiastic and confident.

It's easy when you are armed with the proper knowledge to guide you through the confidence building process.

1. Associate with people whom you admire for their self-confident attitude. The old phrase, "you are known by
the company you keep" may not be just an empty phrase.By associating with confident people, your own level of
confidence is sure to improve.

2. Don't give up - keep going and trying out your confidence building techniques even when it seems hopeless.

Hardships and adversity are a necessary part of life that can help strengthen you and prepare you for future
hard-earned successes.

3. It may seem difficult, but a warm, genuine personality is a must when building confidence. If you are a fake,
others will be aware and may reject you.

By the way, don't take rejection as permanent - keep practicing your confidence building skills. Remember,
you've got to crawl before you can walk.

4. You must develop the power within you to be successful at confidence building. This means to accept reality that you are not self-confident at the moment, but that you desire to be so and then make it happen.

Draw from your inner strength that has been there all your life and develop it into a positive personality trait.

5. Be enthusiastic and take on new challenges with a smile. If you want to become self confident you must work at it constantly.

Go to that party that you'd rather skip and let others know you are there and have a lot to contribute. They will
recognize you as a most desirable person to get to know better.

6. You must desperately want to improve your lot in life, and you must want to do it now. If you are tired of being
alone with no friends, you should remember that you must be a friend to have a friend.

Instead of hanging back and waiting for someone else to make the first move toward friendship, initiate a
conversation yourself. You may find the best friend you ever had.

There are many self-help books that are available to help you with actual techniques and case scenarios that will
enable you to go through the confidence building process.

Keep in mind that to succeed you must want something badly enough to work hard to make it happen. Don't hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding a way to increase your confidence building skills. You can change your life and
now is the time to start.

What else can you do for confidence building even when dealing with difficult interpersonal situations?

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Great Confidence Builder Tips

The most successful people have a dirty secret. They know how important the right confidence builder is at the right moment.

Without the right confidence builder they would fail much more often.

We all need a confidence builder at times - a way to increase confidence when times are tough and a way to maintain self-confidence when nothing seems to be working out.

A confidence builder is a way to get back on track, a way for you to build self confidence and get back on track. The best confidence builder is an appreciation of your own abilities.

You have probably noticed those people at work, school, and in your daily life that always appear to be self confident
and on top of world. They radiate self-confidence.

They seem to have no need for a confidence builder - still they likely have many ways to increase confidence.

Everything seems to go right for these people and they always seem to present themselves as calm,
collected and successful in everything they do.

If you are paying attention you have probably noticed that these self confident people usually are successful in every
area of their lives. They know how important a confidence builder is.

Is this because they are smarter? Or is it because they have more money? Maybe they are just lucky?

The reality is that none of these things are necessarily true. Self confident people understand the impact of
believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.

This is a confidence builder that ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success
another self confidence building block is put into place.Success builds upon success reinforcing self confidence
with each new achievement.

Self confident people perceive themselves as able to achieve those things they set out to do and this perception
creates reality in their lives. And another confidence builder is in place.

Yes, perception creates reality. You can become the person you want to be. You have heard it said that if you can
believe it you can achieve it with your own confidence builder.

So start believing in yourself, acting on that belief and you will start building self confidence in your life.

Here are some helpful tips to increase self confidence one success at a time. Each one is a potential confidence builder.

1. Make a list of your strong points.

All the positive things about yourself and the things that you are good at doing. Think of compliments you have
received or things that come easily to you. It doesn't matter what it is, if it's good, write it down.

Remember, a confidence builder does not have to be complicated to work. Any personal quality that allows you to
build self confidence is great.

2. Choose two of those things that you want to work on to improve even more.

It's important to succeed and by concentrating on the areas you are already good at you will have a better chance of
becoming even more sure of yourself.

Remember that success builds upon success.This is a key to finding the right confidence builder for you at this time. i.e. find one confidence builder, then another.

It gets easier to spot an experience that could be a confidence builder the more you look for them.

3. Exude confidence even if you don't feel like it.

Talk to yourself in an encouraging way and stay away from negative thoughts and people as you can.

Instead surround yourself with positive, confident, and successful people. This will become a habit and one that
will build confidence. And before you know it you will have created another confidence builder.

4. Look at yourself in a different way than you are used to doing.

It can change your life and be the confidence builder you really need to improve your life. See yourself as the self confident person you want to be and before you know it you will become that person.

If you have a set-back do not let it get the best of you. Remember the times when you exhibited self confidence and
how good it felt and then try again and each time will help you to build confidence and confidence building will become
a way of life.

The ultimate confidence builder is a great attitude - never give up!

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Seven Powerful Confidence Tips

Even winners need confidence tips to be at their best. And some good confidence tips are often all you need to keep
on track when you need some inspiration.

When you find the right confidence tips for your life and apply these simple yet profound confidence tips the quality
of you life can change in a moment.

Here are seven confidence tips for your enjoyment...

1) Spend time each day with confident people.

Their energy and inner strength is so inspiring that you will find yourself feeling more empowered just by listening to them talk.

And you can get confidence tips from them. All you need to do is ask! Even one good confidence tip could point you in a whole new direction you would not have otherwise considered.

2) Find a mentor.

Nearly all successful people have a mentor. You too need someone who has already done what you are working to achieve who is willing to advise you and offer confidence tips.

This person will help you to succeed even more quickly than you can imagine. Remember, two minds are better than one.

When you have someone who believes in you and you have a plan you believe in -- your confidence will soar. The confidence tips you learn will make all the difference.

3) Understand that confidence is only a feeling.

This is one of those unusual confidence tips but still very useful.

Have you ever felt confident? If you have ever felt confident in any situation then you can feel confident again in the
future.

How? By re-accessing that confident feeling. This is something that is worth doing every day. Spend 15 minutes a day reliving occasions in your life when you felt confident. Imagine it all in rich detail and pay very close attention to the feelings of confidence.

After only a few days, feeling confident will become a good habit. And you will appreciate the value of these confidence tips.

4) List your reasons to be confident

Becoming aware of why you can be confident will help you get back on track. Make a list of at least 50 reasons why you can be confident today. Include previous successes, your skills and qualities, your support network and your goals. Put down everything that pops into your mind.

After you have done this you will have tapped into the power of consistency. You will be under pressure to be consistent with your own logic that stated you can be confident.

Again, using confidence tips like this is the only way to see how powerful they are - thinking about it will make no difference.

5) Make a public declaration

Tell someone whose opinion you value that you will be confident at a particular event. Your desire to impress this
person will cause you to do all that you can to be at your very best.

And when you demand more of yourself you will be amazed at what you can do. You will start finding solutions to problems that left you stuck and you will seek advice from people who can help you.

This will force you to get moving, only then will the other confidence tips make complete sense.

6) Preparation makes perfect

Have you ever watched a top sportsperson in action and wondered to yourself at how easy she makes it look? Or
listened to your favorite music CD and felt inspired by the talent of the singer?

These performers live these confidence tips.

Think. How did these superstars get to the top? Practice, practice and more practice. I read an article about Pavarotti,
the opera singer, and he said he practices daily and he still learns something new about his voice each day!

When you spend more time honing your skills your confidence will soar because you will know with certainty that you can and will perform when the curtain goes up.

7) Self comparison is key

Compare your progress in life with your previous results. Look to the success of others to learn and not to measure your own success.

When you put your focus on the daily improvement of your own skills and abilities you can and will grow very quickly. And your confidence will surge. You will be a living example of the power of these simple confidence tips.

Confidence without competence is a dangerous combination.

Make it easy for yourself and only engage in self-comparison when you are assessing your progress. By doing this you will make it easier to keep at it when the going gets tough and your competence will grow day by day.

Now, reading these confidence tips may may you feel better but remember you really need to use these confidence tips to see results so go and use these confidence tips right away!

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Confidence To Improve Your Life

The best way to build confidence and to gain confidence is to learn and grow a little at a time.

When some people decide they want to build confidence in themselves they aim too high and fall short. They then give up without learning that the easy way to build confidence is to take it a step at a time.

Do you know how to build confidence?

One of the best personal attributes one can have is self-confidence. A positive relationship with others fosters a sense of self-worth that contributes to the image you have of yourself and all this starts when you build confidence.

Even if you are shy and retiring, you can build confidence which you need to propel you from obscurity into
a place of honor within your circle of acquaintances.

When you build confidence it can help you develop new friends, and may even help you get that promotion you
want at work. Recent research shows that supervisors value your attitude more than your actual knowledge about
your job.

The job can be learned, but an attitude is a personality trait that comes naturally to those who know how to gain confidence.

If you are not self-confident, there are techniques that can help you build confidence:

1. You have to invest time to learn how to build confidence. Even those who appear to be very self-confident have faced situations where they were not comfortable in groups and felt alone and rejected. they had to learn how to build confidence just like you.

Observe the actions of self-confident people and make their personality traits yours as well. You can imitate their
actions and slowly learn to develop your own personality traits that will lead you to build confidence.

2. Most people dread walking into a room filled with strangers, either at work, conferences or parties. It is difficult to appear to be forceful and confident, but if you practice putting on a happy face, it will soon become second nature for you to do so (and may even help you actually be happy).

How can you build confidence in these situations?

Attend social functions even though you'd rather stay at home reading a book. Practice your confidence-building
techniques until they become part of your personality.

3. Appearances count for a lot in projecting an image of a self-confident individual. When interacting with others,
don't stay glued to the wall.

Mingle with others and initiate conversations in a friendly, interested manner. Even though you may be quaking
with insecurities inside, if you appear self-confident it becomes easier to converse with others and will also make
you more approachable. Little by little you will build confidence

4. When you project a self-assured image, you'll find that others respond in a positive manner to your overtures of
friendship.

Don't be afraid to join a group or activity that is already in progress. You have something to contribute, and others
will know it. A little stretch will help you to build confidence

5. We've all admired and envied the person who has the "gift of gab." They appear to effortlessly engage in
conversation in any group on any subject.

These people aren't necessarily born with this ability. For most people it is an acquired trait that is learned over a
period of time. You can learn how to build confidence in the same way.

It is important to be in tune with others by observing their expressions, their emotions and body language to know
whether they are approachable or genuinely want to be left alone. Remember, though, that even a loner will appreciate
a friendly greeting.

6. Being a good conversationalist is essential when learning how to build confidence. Off-the-wall comments, while they do have their place perhaps during a lull in the conversation, are generally avoided.

Your contributions to a conversation need to be on target with the subject being discussed. Easing into a
conversation gradually after listening for a few minutes is preferable to simply butting in.

Watch for an opening in the conversation to introduce yourself and make a comment or two; don't hog the
conversation.

To build confidence can be a long, arduous process that takes time. Be prepared for rejection some of the time but
don't take it as a personal rebuff.

Keep up your self-confident image and practice what you've learned about building self-confidence. It will soon come
naturally to you.

Why do you want to build confidence?

What will it give you?

Apart from better relationships at home and at work most people want to be able to get along more easily with
people they meet.

And this is where so many people take a wrong turn.

Instead of learning advanced self-confidence techniques which are easy to learn and straightforward to use --
they learn about positive thinking and think that is all they need to do to build confidence.

In the past you were more or less stuck if you wanted to change your habitual ways of dealing with people. And it
took a lot of effort to build confidence. The major and new difference now is that there have been major breakthroughs
in the field of peak performance.

It is now possible for you to quickly and easily change how well you interact with others and to go from having
difficulties to being able to build confidence when dealing with people. Or to go from having good people skills to
becoming exceptional.

And this can happen faster than you think. If you really want to build confidence there is nothing stopping you
except yourself.

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Being Confident at All Times

Knowing how to be confident is a critical life skill and learning how to gain confidence is easier than many think.

Most highly successful people are known to be confident. They know how to gain confidence and they understand the
importance of improving self confidence in the face of resistance from other people.


That is why knowing how to be confident is so very important... There are times when others will treat you harshly even if you don´t deserve such treatment. Do you know how to be confident when this happens?

The resulting lack of self-confidence is sometimes made worse by the way you talk to yourself...Don´t despair
learning how to be confident is really only a matter of strategy And thankfully it is easier than you think to learn how to
gain confidence when you correctly answer the question:

what is confidence? Improving self confidence only requires that you find a strategy that works and use it!

It does no good to think negative thoughts about yourself and admonish yourself for "saying the wrong thing" to
someone or feel that you've messed up again in your relationship with others. Doing so will not help you to
be confident. Improving self confidence starts with a positive attitude.

This type of thinking only further reinforces the fact that you have little or no self-confidence. It does not help you
when it comes to improving self confidence You are someone special. You are smart. You are
interesting and appealing to others.

And you can learn how to be confident even if you sometimes wonder - what is confidence and how
can you gain confidence?

You have a message for the world, and you need to learn to get the message out. A few suggestions here can help
you to be confident so as to project the image you want the world to see.

1. It's not always about you. Maybe the person you think slighted you has had a bad day, or heaven forbid, maybe the person just isn't nice. So What? You can still be confident despite their bad attitude.

You can turn the situation around by asking some general, interesting questions about the person. This may bring the
person out of the bad mood and who knows, you might put a little sunshine into someone else's life for a change. The point is if you want to be confident don´t wait for others to allow you.

2. Quit taking everything so personally if you want to be confident. Knowing how to be confident is a critical life skill and learning how to gain confidence is easier than many think.

Accept the fact that some people just aren't socially adept, and they may have even less self-confidence than you do. They may need lessons on how to be confident too!

Don't let someone else spoil your day. Don't respond to negative feelings and above all, don't let yourself be
provoked. Think positive to keep your emotions in check.

Negative thoughts sap your energy and serve no purpose and to be confident all day long you must stay positive.

3. Do you think you're the only one out there who gets rejected? Think again! There are selfish people who only
think "me, me, me" to the exclusion of everyone else.

Knowing how to be confident is easier when you accept that others face and deal with the same challenges.

Even the most successful people are rejected (singer/songwriter Rod Stewart was rejected several times
because his voice was "too gravelly and coarse." He didn't give up and today is rich and famous.)

If you really want to know how to be confident and gain confidence you must learn to deal with rejection. What is confidence? The ability to keep going in the face of rejection and feel good anyway!

4. Don't give up. The old saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try again" holds true for the person with no
self-confidence. To be confident keep focusing on what you can do.

If things don't go your way, come up with an alternate plan. If that's not accepted (remember, it not about you;
it's about an idea) keep trying and persisting - this is a great way to learn how to be confident by gradually improving self confidence with each challenge you face.

5. Stop focusing on yourself and dwelling on your perceived shortcomings all the time. Focus instead on your goals and what you have to do to achieve them. This is critical when working on how to be confident.

Stop talking about yourself all the time. Other people get tired of hearing about you constantly. Concentrate on a
genuine conversation about other people and other topics.

With a little self-help, you can overcome your feelings of inadequacy and learn how to gain confidence. Before long
you will be confident more often than you are not.

While you are honing your skills at becoming confident, the image you want to project is one of a person who is in
command of self and someone worth knowing and sharing ideas and conversations with.

Make sure to use these ideas today and enjoy a very happy and confident week now that you know more about
gaining confidence.

Imagine how good you will feel exuding confidence and charm, impressing family and friends as your true personality shines.

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How Do You Build Self-Confidence?

Years ago while running an at-home daycare, I came to realize that we are all born with an innate sense of self-confidence. Every single child under the age of five that I have ever observed has had a strong self-confidence in at least one area of their life. Most kids had confidence in all areas of their lives. It seems to me that they systematically lose that confidence and it is replaced by an inner critic. Quite often, it is the child’s home life, but sometimes it is the schools, neighborhood kids, extended family, or some other person who unknowingly destroys the child’s belief in themselves.

Children have to be told they are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, or talented enough to accomplish whatever it is they are trying to do. Unfortunately, most of us are told exactly that. So, how do we rebuild that sense of self-confidence?

The first thing I want you to do is to imagine that you had an ideal loving emotionally supportive childhood. Think about what kind of person you would have been if you had been raised to believe in yourself and in your natural gifts and talents. What were those gifts and talents? What were you really good at? What kinds of activities came easy for you? Now write down a list of talents, traits, attributes, and gifts that you loved and probably excelled at before you were convinced that you were not any good at them. Choose items from that list for the next step.

Self-confidence is destroyed one piece at a time. So, you are going to rebuild it one piece at a time. Pick things from your list and plan out tiny baby steps. Were you meant to be a great artist? Then start out by doodling. Just start carrying a pencil and paper around with you and allow yourself to absentmindedly doodle little pictures.

Eventually, allow the passion to find it is way through you and you will begin to draw bigger and better, adding paints or whatever medium you were always meant to use. Were you supposed to be a musician? Then start humming little tunes in your head, begin playing around with an instrument. If it is possible, carry an instrument around with you and whenever you are bored or have some downtime, just sit and absentmindedly allow your fingers to play with it until the music within you begins calling to you again.

Whatever the thing, pick something from your list and begin to play with it without paying a lot of attention to being perfect or talented or anything else. Just hold the tools and space out for a while so that you can get out of your own self-consciousness and just play with the tools. Nobody has to know if you do not want them to.

Repeat this process as much as you can. Keep picking up pieces of yourself on that list and adding them back into your sense of self. Do not wait until you have become really good at the first new skill before picking up another one. Just play with each item on your list as the mood crosses you.

There is no need to beat yourself up for not being super talented because in reality all you are doing is simply playing with toys that remind you of your childhood. Allow your inner child, inner teenager, inner artist, inner musician to simply play. Eventually, you will come to realize one day that you do have natural gifts and talents and that will go a long way towards building your self-confidence.

That is all good and well if your confidence problems center around skills, but what if your lack of self-confidence happens to be in the interpersonal relationships area? Are you painfully shy? Too afraid of rejection to even reach out to connect with others? Do you beat yourself up for not looking just so? Depending on the severity of your self-sabotaging belief system, you may want to get a professional therapist to help you with this.

If it is not too bad, but you have less self-esteem then you would like to have, then ask someone that you trust to help you with this part. Ask your friend to point out examples of other people who look or act like you. For example, if you think you are fat and everyone says you are not, then have your friend point out to you other people who are built like you. Have them compare your figure to someone famous. Chances are they will not say Orson Wells! Few people are really horribly fat.

Eventually, it will sink in that you are not really as fat as you think you are. If you are really worried that people will think you are stupid or dull when they first meet you, then have your friend rehearse with you so that you can feel comfortable making small talk with new people.

What if through practicing a new skill or through working on social skills and your personal image with a friend, you find out that you need to actually work on something? Maybe you do have a few pounds to lose. Maybe you need singing lessons. Okay, so be it.

That is not a reason to quit moving forward with building upon your fragile new sense of confidence. Just go get the help, the lessons, the workout routine, the coaching or whatever else it is that you need to continue moving forward. There will always be teachers and coaches of some sort because there will always be people reaching beyond where they already are.

The only problem with a low self-confidence is that we stop giving ourselves permission to learn new things. The fact that we do not know how to be or do everything perfectly is not a good reason to lose confidence in ourselves. As long as you can play at new things and can learn, then you are able to improve and grow. At some point, turn around and look at how far you have come. Pride will show itself.

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